My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
