I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
