Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
