Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
