Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
