two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
