I wish I could teleport
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ladies don't puke and tell
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
