I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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