Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
