"it" just moved
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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