hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize