Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
