my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
