Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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