did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
