You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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