I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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