So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
