mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
