So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
