if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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