We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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