Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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