when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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