I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
