Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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