im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
