Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
