So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
