why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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