I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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