you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize