god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
