haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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