oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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