I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
