Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
