The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
