New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
