Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
