I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
