Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
