Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
