and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
