ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize