I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
