my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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