What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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