There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
