Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Barsexuality is the new black.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
