Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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