I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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