Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize