Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You have to summon your inner elephant
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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