im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
