STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize