ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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