awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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