We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
