I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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