Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
