I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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