youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
