Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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