I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is wine microwaveable?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize