I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
