9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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