I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
