So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
