she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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