You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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