She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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