I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
