pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
