All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
