i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
