She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
