College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
This baby is an asshole
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
