Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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