So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
