Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
