I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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