The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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