I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
