I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize