FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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