someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
