and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
