This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
