you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize