I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
