went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need a beard to bite.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
