Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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