is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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