I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize