Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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