I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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