My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
